Hot complain; Rain also complain

ITS RAINING!! ITS POURING!! THE OLD MAN IS SNORING!! Weather been really cooling and nice recently!! I feel so warm and snuggly under my stinky blanket 🙂 But oh well, my plan for a nice afternoon nap yesterday was thwarted by my mum who aske me to scrub the toilet floors. And today at work, was doing pretty much a coolie job of moving pallets up and down!!Plus friday, carried home from Sentosa more than 10kg worth of oranges and new year goodies.  So yeah, plenty of physical work and damm tired.

Its one month into 2011, and I kept asking myself what did I achieve this month. Oh wells, I applied for SUA, did my SATs again and restarted and redetermined plenty of vows!! February and March are gonna be super busy at work, gonna head a new project soon I think, bless my soul!! And there is SUJ exchange and kenshu coming along. And in april, my supposedly big 21!! But I do believe, 21 is just an age physically. Basically you are not bounded by pretty much anything. A legal age! However, you have to earn it to be 21 I feel!! So I am off, embarking on my 21 personal home visits campaign to visit 21 different people. 2 down, 19 to go. And I hope TPSD will achieve 60 as a whole for the institution. And on april 16th, I might do consider booking somewhere nice and having a party, and have some fun 🙂

I do have some community involved plans as well but that needs more time to think. For now,perhaps I should try to get the mood back for CNY! seriously nthg, since I gotta work like on sunday again!! degrading!! We never seem to have a break!! So gear up, there are plenty of thigns awaiting to be fulfilled!!

These 4 Walls

Looking through some facebook photographs by professionals!! I am impressed!! Suddenly, I am inspired to start out like a photography portfolio, project, montage or whatever u call it!! Still thinking of the theme behind it!! Its like midnight, and its raining!! I really wish I need not go to work tmr!! EXCEL drives me nuts!!  At times, I do wonder to myself, will this CNY be the last time I am gonna spend it with my family as a whole!! The house feels really cold at times!! EMO to myself!!! I gotta move on quickly man and start setting long term goals and visions for myself!! Like the 7 bells I guess!! Maybe I should just concentrate on one single bell first!!

Went to bizhi 22nd bday last night. LAUGH OUT LOUD session with my bkk clan!!  So happy to see that she finally found herself a chef boyf who can not only cook but carve!! He sorta carve a heart shape , birds sparrows, roses out of some fruits. It was super impressive!! Happy for that woman!!

Sometimes, I feel very lonely! Doesnt help that I am an only child!! And nope, I do not crave for a boyf!! I dun believe in temporary rubbish infactuation!! I guess I am just not in right life condition today!! Must be the stupid OVERTIME at work too!!Oh wells, after watching this video, I do wish I was a windmill. At least some how, the troubles are blown away!!

Off to bed!! Emoness shall last for a night!! I know tmr will be a better day

I resolute to write more

Date Check: 23rd January 2011

What have I been doing for the last 4 months!! Oh well check twitter!! I guess somewhere along the line, I just lost this passion to blog. I mean seriously with modern damm technology, I totally FB AND TWEET!! People even TUMB ( I dont) And suddenly, this bout of nostalgia hits me and man I do miss the old livejournals, xanga, wordpress and of course blogspots, not forgetting the extinct diaryland hahah!!

Summary of my past 4 months was SAT, Aussie, SIS, Work, Zadankai, TPSD, etc!!

SIS first since it is kinda still fresh in my mind!!! Celebrated my fav holiday, Christmas in SIS to commemorate SGI 80th anniversary!! It was mind blowing, over whelming and Awesome!! All the culture performances, and setting of vows and redetermination to embark on a new path to 2030!! Mass Dance, Young Eagles, YOG, SYM, NDP, Msg, I enjoyed every single moment of it.  Sat through 3 shows, and each show brings about a different feeling, even though the agenda is similar. Its the spirit of the performers, and spirit of the entire crowd and audience!! Now is the time to set forth on a new departure

 

Some photos of the event recorded!! So, we are 23 days into 2011!! And boy oh boy, these past 23 days were pretty mind blowing!! with Happy New Ear first, then all my SUA application process, SATS again, 21st birthday parties,  I PASS MY FINAL THEORY!! new direction in work and not forgetting things in my family!! Feels like its all going hay wire and splitting apart, taxing yet I feel so hopeful and determined to achieve more things!! I am turning 21 this year, I am going to be a full fledged legal adult!!  DAMM I FEEL OLD!! So as I approach april16, I wanna plot some little resolutions and targets to achieve!! New Year, New Start, and I will resolute to write more into this web corner!! At times, when recollecting memories through blogs, you will realise the significant change in yourself, and in many areas!! Cheers

post yog

GOSH AS THE YEARS PASS BY, I THINK I JUST GROW LAZIER AND LAZIER BY DAY! ESP AFTER WORK, JUST WANNA POMP AND SLP! I use to post photo like everyday and blog everyday. Its sucha routine, and now I am like neither here nor there LOL.

Been wanting to reflecting on the recently passed YOG!! LAZY AGAIN Whee!Well I just decide to do smthg now and write smthg now. A short little recollection for me. Indeed it has been5 months of tough training for Playing with Fire! WHAT A RIDE!The burns, the lights, the FIRE, the SPIRIT! I think I said it plenty of times, but I literally cried when the dragon head came up! I squeal with joy at post celebrations. Whenever I hear the songs, it evokes memories. Which leads to a random question of the day! When you put ur ipod, mp3 whatsoever on shuffle mode, and sometimes it shuffle to a song, will you think of a certain period in ur life that has happen to u. It sorta triggers off ur memories. This kinda stuff happens to me.

Example: 听妈妈的话 reminds me of O levels. I was on full blast back then studying for all the subjectss. Everything by Michale Buble will remind me of Poly Year One with the 06ians and etc etc!! I will pen it down someday all the different memories each song reminds me.

 

Similarly, this song will always brings back the jitter feelings in my heart about YOG! Its the heart pomping moment before performance as the next item will be ours. When the curly wurly auntie will ask charmaine” GIRL ARE THOSE MATCHES, DUN PLAY WITH FIRE” So what is YOG to me now!

THIS!! THIS IS YOG FOR ME! THE Itai Doshi Spirit, Performing together as one. Even in the competition games, cheering as a whole country together,picking up when we fall. This is really OLYMPIC SPIRIT. This performace will forever mark history in my life and I definitely can watch it all over again and again

I truly enjoyed the entire 5 months of training. Truly glad to meet so many new friends,  pick up a new skill, and definitely being schooled in the art spirit of a performer. Now as I transit away from POST YOG. It really back to matters about life. Quotes from a senior leader: It is because this year marks sucha strong significance, the 80th anniversary, thats why there are struggles.Without suffering, without going through your struggles, you will never know what life is. so live a life that is ever ready to suffer but most importantly is to ” suffer happily” which is when obstacles arrive, we must muster the courage and resolve plus determination each time to challenge it! Words that shall serve as a constant reminder for me definitely

Nevertheless, thank you comrades, thank you POI, thank you friends, thank you family, thank you colleagues for helping through this 5 months of SYOG!

Thank you pearlyn for sucha lovely video! Will definitely bring back fond memories. I DEFINITELY HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE

&

YESSAH!! FINELY KICK MY LAZY BUM TO TYPE FINISH THIS

Redetermination

Ok I kinda wanna revive  this space of mine. good to pen down some stuff. was reading through my archives and laughing at my insanely no puncutation sentences with weird code names. Long weekend, although I am pretty much going out for every other day but feel quite pleased. Met with friends, did my rehearsal. Been reading alot of youthful diary. Teaches me to be more humble. Let me bond more with Sensei. Watched half of the LAST LECTURE.Achieving your childhood dreams. I dun really rmb my childhood dreams to the exact detail. I think I just had weird ideals like I must catch mew, zapdos, articuno and moltres in pokemon, finding rare candies. Thumbs up totally to that man. . Without a doubt the road ahead is long but will challenge it. Work politics exist everywhere. I cant give up I tell myself, Ihave to deal with it and adapt according to circumstances. Rants will always exist as rants. I guess I was in the lowest possible life condition when I typed the old post. It doesnt mean that I hate my company or my colleagues. I am still eternally grateful to that place for they believe me and hire me. I have like the best mentors at work, and best mentor in life.  Shall change accordingly and live up with them.Show my gratitude to them. Will do my best in work in the most humanistic way ever to create value.  New determination I shall set for myseld.

Time and time again,I know I still have to deal with this low  life condition esp one of my nxt rubbish which is uni. SIGHHSS!!  That is another major obstacle. I am a subject of plenty of comparison. But like what I tell peeps, enjoy the little things and chant for the best path quotes siyi! Need to start working towards having an ichinen of wanting to show actual proof in life. Power of dmk 🙂

Off to bed for now! I have NDP and TG tmr!!

P.S ( sounds so sensei in youthful diary)

The war of angel and devil

Took this photo a month ago in Meleka

Went to meleka a month ago with family. wasnt exactly what I called enjoyable ttm, since I went there to SHOP. as if singapore not enough shopping malls. But I am deeply appreciative of the efforts of mother. She knew I had alot of pressure so the trip was quite a breather for me. Looking at all those old school cars and buildings, all part of a history and legacy of ancestors. How interesting is that. Dream to travel around the world and see cultures still lives on strongly within me.

Hi, I am back for my once in a blue moon blog post. Gone were the days I update about my daily life of eating meeting up. Nowadays these blogs feel like a self reflection corner or ranting out channel. Whenever I feel frustrated, I will wanna self reflect and write a whole chunky crunch of words here. My life has been sucha roller coaster ride this year, especially after graduation. And to think I do not want things to be so happening. Yet without such happenings, we cant grow

This past month, the amount of things I had to deal with is simply #$!@*#. A couple of times, I can just break down to myself, especially in the toilet cause it like a free face wash, together with the shower. And my eyes wont be so dry as well after that heehee!! had plenty of angel devil moments. Even up to this period, I keep telling myself do not complain. Complain does not bring you far, giving up is the shittest thing to ever do, dont be sucha self centered bitch. Yet the devil is like, come on you are going through so much, how old are you, you do not deserve to be treated this way. AHHH fml literally

Work is like zzzz!! Zero tolerance, I get that very often nowadays. It is changing me into a person that is not me. I am not the type of person who is strict with others. People say I lack leadership skills. Without a doubt, I agree. Cause I can never be an authoritative person. I just feel like being a black and white person at times is like poisoning me in some way. It saps alot of humanity in me. I want to help everyone in thebest possible way, yet my mentors at work disagree and will be like I dunno how to help you cause in this political working society, it is impossible. I help others, I get chopped and backstabbed. Is there any justice? Why cant people just do their damm fucking jobs sometimes. This week alone, I heard the strongest comments about me by far at work. GAWD They were so HARSH. HARSH till I nearly broke down in Office.

Hearing things like You are on the chopping board, No oneis going to back you up. It doesn;thelp that you sit alone, seperated by your department. you look right is the printer. you look in front is a wall and computer, you look left, a whole row of empty tables andchairs. The only time people talk to you, is when they occasionally pop by to print things, or when the printer jam and off I go to help unjam it or breakfast and lunch time. so damm bloody lonely. I get so jealouswhen I hear laughter at my dpt side. It seems like sometimes, people forgot about my existence. I know I am just a temp but I am pretty much human in alot of ways.  Not trying to say I isolate purely from everyone but it is just that my working atmosphere is so zzzz!!

I am sincerely thankful to Audrey for sitting down with me and going through my flawas. I self reflected for like dunno how many days literally. My devil side found excuses for me in my behavior but my angel side told me that it is time to do human revolution.  Without a doubt, I will have to work and change accordingly to corporate working standards. Yet it is a helpless feeling too. See the contradiction. Stand alone spirit is like damm strong now totally. Why do I choing gakkai so much at night or go SYOG, instead of going home at times.  reason being, work life has degraded me into a slack asshole that does nothing but eat work sleep. Doing activities, I feel some humanity in me, like I can help others for the good. I know my mentors at work aredoing their best to support me in all way possible. Good Fortune really. All I can sayis I am giving out my best in all way possible, and I know I need to posses a strong fighting spirit for at least the remaining 11 months on my contract.

Exactlya week to the opening ceremony of YOG!! Back to back rehearsals and training. Tired it may be but I finally felt the spirit amongst all. The spirit that kinda came in late but it still came. I want it to be a fantastic performance. I want this rubbigh things that is happenng to me now to be my turning point in life. I will fight this war, for myself, Sensei, comrades and friends. My favourite quote, suffer what is tehre so suffer, enjoywhat is there to enjoy.

JIAYOUSss for WORK. JIAYOU FIRE DANCERS, JIAYOU CARPS, PLAYING WITH FIRE =) FIGHTING

ITS SO FLUFFY

DO U CALL THIS ANNOYING * POPS THE FACE*

Been how long since I watch a movie, WHO KNEW!!! AHAHAHA DESPICABLE ME is like AWESOMELY FUNNY. The right bunch of people too. Hurray, CAN SOMEONE PLS GIVE ME A LIGHTSTICK MINION. Adorably Cute!!!! Packed schdule. Quote from paps: working people just eat sleep and work. Couldnt agree more, but at least the difference being I have gakkai, so its like anotehr night life for me. I need to meet up more people real soon. If you wanna ask me how is work. for once i say WORK SUCKS. Sometimes standing alone, be it in work or at home is such tough times. Fight on.

When standing alone, a person of strength will be a true hero

Frederich Schiller

Youthful Diary is sucha great inspiration at times

Crucial Moment

Life is really about moments I realise. Day in Day Out, People talk about crucial moments. I know the crucial moment for me has arrived. Time to take action. Rejection may not necesary be a bad thing but  everything start from scratch again , for me at least!! I can honestly tell myself that I want a break VERY VERY BADLY!!! Not trying to be emo but I been feeling quite lonely and super tired nowadays.  Missing out on plenty of things. Even inside office, I sit alone, facing tthe computer and wall, beside the printer. My colleagues are at the far end of the office. Whenever someone pop by, its about work. I missed out on their jokes, their laughter, the feeling of working inside a team. TRAINING TRAINING, MX shall not be defeated by all of these rubbish.If your stomach is full you cannot practise faith correctly. Winter never failts to turn to spring. Shall go read passages of gosho now

Baby & me

Time flies and she is already approaching her first birthday in a few weeks time!! Adorable miss clare tan ler en en ah bian. It just dawn upon me recently the cruelty of this world. I am feeling scared at times. As much as I want to be a baby all over again, just eat and sleep the whole day, reality check it is impossible.  In this crucial moment, I realise that everyone around me seems to be embroiled in their series of challenges and karma. I miss school in some way. Life after graduation is certainly very different.

!

and YES, I have OFFICIALLY  GRADUATED!!

Mummy, how do I play an Iphone??

Work Syndrome

ITS OFFICIAL!! I can just totally declare to myself that I suffer from 职业病!! Being stuck inside a store filled with nothing but kitchen equipment and plates and glasses can be really really scary. How about venturing into the freezer of 3 degrees with only a thin cardigan and counting horrible shelvings and never ending jackstacks. That spells scary also. I also tried entering the one that was -18 one which is used for food and boy I came out within seconds.In short, I have reach a stage whereby looking at some equipment, my mind can agar agar tell me its brand, who the hell is its supplier, what is the usage.  The worse thing about doing kitchen inventory now is that I dont have background of some of its usage, and the chefs never keep record of what they purchase intially. SO everything is counted from scratch and boy they come in all weird shape and sizes. Description based frm my creative mind, dimensions all remeasured, photos all retaken

Its crazy really. I officially hate seeing GN TRAYS. They have square ones, deep ones, install in walls kind, those with holes, those rusty ones. Different Dimensions and different thickness. And there are so many in the store. Why cant my darling chefs just use it for more misen plus. And these trays come with shelvings that are store in freezers. HELP ME!!

And do you know

These are called robo coupes. They slice meat and vegetables WOW!!!

I have like 3 different brands of electric toasters to toast bread!! FAINTS. Not just electric toasters, also got chaffing dishes, juice dispensers, meat slicing machine. All different brands

SAUCEPANS AND COOK POTS ARE THE WORSE AMONG THE LOT. MIX AND MATCH EVERYTHING

Last Friday, I was out with my family at ECP to eat some crabs. I happen to pass by the kitchen on my way to the washroom and boy stacked at the side was a whole chunk of kitchen equipment, trays and melamine chopsticks and at that instant moment I felt like puking cause I feel I was been transported back to the store agai

BUT TODAY I CAN OFFICIALLY DECLARE THAT ME AND THE BUNCH OF GUYS FINISH RECRODING DOWN THE LIST OF KITCHEN EQUIPMENT INSIDE THE STORE. WITHOUT A DOUBT I HAVETO FOLLOW UP BUT I DONT HAVE TO STAY IN THE DEPRESSING STORE FOR THE WHOLE DAY. ALSO SINCERELY THANKFUL GRADUATION IS THE DAY AFTER. ONE DAY TO BREAK FREE AND RELAX FOR A WHILE.

But before I can go for my pathetic one day break, I got plenty of paper work to follow up. And I still got lunch appointment, a typhoid jab and up your service talk to attend tmr. Packed please. In short treasure your studying days cause working life is very challenging. Thankful for colleagues. They are like the best people in the world sometimes. Also thankful to have the QA uncles as my neightbours. They are so funny since they aer all retirees. One of them is even a gakkai member. How did I know about it. He was talking quite loudly one day on the phone. ” Eh can you come for the kenshu this saturday” So tada thats how I found out! world is small. and in less than 10 hours, I will be back on the island again. More kitchen rubbish