Took this photo a month ago in Meleka
Went to meleka a month ago with family. wasnt exactly what I called enjoyable ttm, since I went there to SHOP. as if singapore not enough shopping malls. But I am deeply appreciative of the efforts of mother. She knew I had alot of pressure so the trip was quite a breather for me. Looking at all those old school cars and buildings, all part of a history and legacy of ancestors. How interesting is that. Dream to travel around the world and see cultures still lives on strongly within me.
Hi, I am back for my once in a blue moon blog post. Gone were the days I update about my daily life of eating meeting up. Nowadays these blogs feel like a self reflection corner or ranting out channel. Whenever I feel frustrated, I will wanna self reflect and write a whole chunky crunch of words here. My life has been sucha roller coaster ride this year, especially after graduation. And to think I do not want things to be so happening. Yet without such happenings, we cant grow
This past month, the amount of things I had to deal with is simply #$!@*#. A couple of times, I can just break down to myself, especially in the toilet cause it like a free face wash, together with the shower. And my eyes wont be so dry as well after that heehee!! had plenty of angel devil moments. Even up to this period, I keep telling myself do not complain. Complain does not bring you far, giving up is the shittest thing to ever do, dont be sucha self centered bitch. Yet the devil is like, come on you are going through so much, how old are you, you do not deserve to be treated this way. AHHH fml literally
Work is like zzzz!! Zero tolerance, I get that very often nowadays. It is changing me into a person that is not me. I am not the type of person who is strict with others. People say I lack leadership skills. Without a doubt, I agree. Cause I can never be an authoritative person. I just feel like being a black and white person at times is like poisoning me in some way. It saps alot of humanity in me. I want to help everyone in thebest possible way, yet my mentors at work disagree and will be like I dunno how to help you cause in this political working society, it is impossible. I help others, I get chopped and backstabbed. Is there any justice? Why cant people just do their damm fucking jobs sometimes. This week alone, I heard the strongest comments about me by far at work. GAWD They were so HARSH. HARSH till I nearly broke down in Office.
Hearing things like You are on the chopping board, No oneis going to back you up. It doesn;thelp that you sit alone, seperated by your department. you look right is the printer. you look in front is a wall and computer, you look left, a whole row of empty tables andchairs. The only time people talk to you, is when they occasionally pop by to print things, or when the printer jam and off I go to help unjam it or breakfast and lunch time. so damm bloody lonely. I get so jealouswhen I hear laughter at my dpt side. It seems like sometimes, people forgot about my existence. I know I am just a temp but I am pretty much human in alot of ways. Not trying to say I isolate purely from everyone but it is just that my working atmosphere is so zzzz!!
I am sincerely thankful to Audrey for sitting down with me and going through my flawas. I self reflected for like dunno how many days literally. My devil side found excuses for me in my behavior but my angel side told me that it is time to do human revolution. Without a doubt, I will have to work and change accordingly to corporate working standards. Yet it is a helpless feeling too. See the contradiction. Stand alone spirit is like damm strong now totally. Why do I choing gakkai so much at night or go SYOG, instead of going home at times. reason being, work life has degraded me into a slack asshole that does nothing but eat work sleep. Doing activities, I feel some humanity in me, like I can help others for the good. I know my mentors at work aredoing their best to support me in all way possible. Good Fortune really. All I can sayis I am giving out my best in all way possible, and I know I need to posses a strong fighting spirit for at least the remaining 11 months on my contract.
Exactlya week to the opening ceremony of YOG!! Back to back rehearsals and training. Tired it may be but I finally felt the spirit amongst all. The spirit that kinda came in late but it still came. I want it to be a fantastic performance. I want this rubbigh things that is happenng to me now to be my turning point in life. I will fight this war, for myself, Sensei, comrades and friends. My favourite quote, suffer what is tehre so suffer, enjoywhat is there to enjoy.
JIAYOUSss for WORK. JIAYOU FIRE DANCERS, JIAYOU CARPS, PLAYING WITH FIRE =) FIGHTING
Words of laughter & Joy 